If this was a year ago...

(One year ago today )

If I woke up today and it was one year ago ... I would be waking up in a haze.

A life practically living at the hospital.

A life of making decisions that would affect the rest of her life.

If it was a year ago I would be waking up , going to the hospital, and saying goodbye to my grandma before she headed into brain surgery.

If this was a year ago today, I would be sitting there for six hours while the fate of my best friend was in the hands of a team of miracle makers and God's gracious hands ofcourse.

If It was a year ago, I would hear the most precious words ever spoken " 95% of the cancer is gone."

If it was a year ago today I would take the elevator up to the fourth floor, walk in the ICU see you alive and cry harder than I ever thought possible. I would cry and praise God that you were still here. I would go home eat your favorite ice cream and rejoice over a miracle that no one thought was possible.

I would sit in the chair, that sits empty to my left, and wait for the day you'd open your eyes, smile, say I love you, and be home.

****

I live by dates. I have been dreading this week since  November 8th. 

Today is a reminder of the nightmare that was last year.

I hate that sometimes nightmare is the only way I can seem to describe this year, becuase that's not what it was.

It was year filled with beautiful miracles, moments of ultimate faith, growth, love, service and loss.

While the loss seems to out weigh the others, today I choose to choose joy.

Last year, when reflecting on my grandma making it one month post-surgery .I wrote this on my Tumblr

"This month has showed me how fragile life is. It showed me that when you get to the end of your rope God is always there. It showed me the beauty in eyes opening, steps being taken, and a homecoming that I could only dream about 30 days ago."

****

Reading this helped me to see this joy. 

Yes this year was hard. And yes I would kill for her to be sitting right next to me.

I would die for one more conversation. For a hug. Or an I love you.

But then I remember none of those will ever be enough. One more is never enough when you love someone.

But the beauty is , we got one more. God gave us six months of I love yous on borrowed time.

I wrote this last year,

" I realize that this is time God so graciously has blessed me with. This is time I will never get back. This is time that I will treasure as long as I live. This is time that has taught me about the woman I someday want to be. I would kill to have half the fight, wisdom, and strength my grandma shows me. She paved the way for me to live the blessed life that i do, one I do not deserve. So when i get upset I’m reminded tomorrow isn’t promised. She may have five years , it may be one year, for all I know it could be one week. This fact a month ago would have been unsettling to me. But now I look at this as time that God intended to teach me lessons through. To allow me to show  His love in human form. To show the woman who has loved me more than anyone else for 19 years the same love back. Those are the things I must remember "

****

 

As I read that I cried. Because those six months are days minutes and even seconds that I thank God for that I have to remember. I praise Him for making a way for me to see her and say goodbye to her on a day I shouldn't have been able to make it out here. I praise Him for the ability to see what  a blessing I had. I praise Him because I know that  He is the reason my heart is calm.

I praise Him because my grandma was a miracle despite her ending.

****

This was all tied together yesterday at church when we were talking about miracles. I laughed at the irony.

One day shy of the of the day the biggest miracle I ever saw happened.

And as I sang I prayed...

I prayed that tomorrow as I wake up, I remember a family may have found themselves right where we were one year ago.

I pray that as I wake up today they find comfort in God and his healing powers.

I pray that their surgery proves to be the biggest miracle they have ever encountered.

I pray that they make it out ready to take on the world again and bring all glory to God.

I pray that this family experiences years to come with their miracle.

I pray that the prayers of someone who was where they were a year ago some how warms their heart.

I pray they know they aren't alone and that joy can come from the deepest of storms.

I pray that this year of rollercoasters could one day help someone else heal.

I pray the my story somehow points people to Jesus.

 **** 

May 21st is a day of miracles , not sadness.

Praise Jesus for all He has done.

Today I am going to do what makes my heart happy. And thank the lovely lady who always pushed me to follow my dreams .

XoXo,

Nichole

There is a season for everything

Today is one of those days I am thankful to have this little place. 

A place I can write and share, and one day look reflect on.

I am an overly sentimental person and I love nothing more than reading these posts and reflecting

on where I was at the time I shared my thoughts.

Its the beauty of this place.

A reason I so adore it here. 

Today I'm thankful I get to write this, because this will serve as a reminder to me one day.

I pray it serves as a reminder for someone else as well.

I am a firm believer in the fact that there is a season for everything.

I have currently been reading Ecclesiastes and had no idea just how much God was talking to me through it.

Until inchurch today I felt God ever so gently tug on my heart about seasons yet again.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens

There is beauty in accepting the current season.

After a season of loss and pain it left me in a place where it was hard to embrace this new season.

Ya see it's not because this season isn't beautiful and amazing and so full of God's provision,

it is. But spending so much time in that season and leaving it is hard.

Leaving it is acknowledging that the loss did happen, and it is not as "fresh" anymore.

It is a reminder that this was a season and one that happened and served as a time of lessons learned.
It has taken a conscious choice to choose joy.

To say goodbye to that season.

 

****

Which brings me to today. In church ( I went to three services BOY do I have so much to share with

all of you beautiful ladies) one speaker talked about seasons. Which got me thinking.

I am not quite sure what the point of this season is but I can tell you one thing, it's about rejuvination.

Last summer was spent in hospitals , this one is gonna be spent bettering me.

I wanna do that in all areas.

I wanna spend this season learning how to bless others. To pour into people's lives with purpose.

To know that I must invest in myself first. 

This means actively seeking God, praying with purpose and faithfully, and working to lead a life that brings glory to the Lord. I must realize it is okay to have down time. It is okay to sometimes look out for me. And it is okay to go against the grain. It's okay after a season of chaos and strain to spend a season of happiness and smiling. It's okay to be in the place God puts you.

It's okay because everything is in His provision.

****

I am so in awe and in love with God. His grace far beyond what I could ask for.

I pray today that as you read this your embrassing the season you find yourself in.

XOXO,

Nichole

God uses the least of us...

A few months back a good friend of mine showed me this video. I am a crier and trust me this video did me in. The story broke my heart. I can not imagine the pain of these parents but the tears were not because of this sweet boys passing but rather because of his legacy and how much God was able to do through him. Though he only made it 99 days he was able to reveal God in ways some never will. His parents faith is awe inspiring and the video truley speaks for itself. Take a second to watch it. 

*Get the tissues out*

" An underdeveloped lung. A heart with a whole in it. A DNA that placed faulty information into each and every cell of your body.Could not stop God from revealing himself through a child who never uttered a word. Not a pulpit. Not a sleek presentation. Not a best selling book. But a six pound boy with Trisomy 18. God found great pleasure to take a lowly thing in the eyes of the world and show truth."

****

I absolutely love this quote. I work in a classroom at church with a child with down sydrome and a little boy born without legs. Their pressance is amazing. The little guy with down syndrome will yell out the words to worship songs seconds after the others and as teachers all we can do is smile because he is worshiping, in his own way, but he like all the other kids is praising God. His condition does not keep him from seeing God. And because of him we see the beauty of all of God's creation. Yes he is " different " but God is using him to teach others patience , unconditional love and acceptance. God uses the least of us. 

****

The other child who was born without legs is just adorable. He has the cutest little cheeks and a smile that is to die for. He doesn't even notice when the other kids look at him and always answers all their questions. Oh did I mention he is only 3?!? He doesn't let his lack of legs keep him from going. He runs in marathons, rides tricylcles and dances and worships with the other kids. He brightens my day and shows us just how faithful our God truly is.

****

And then there's my baby sister. She has suffered from seizures her whole life which has delayed her development. She is 11 but is at the development level of a 5 year old. While she gets frusturated and upset her spirit is so refreshing. She is the sweetest and easiest person in the world to please. I am so thankful that God blessed my family with our little peace of heaven. She is different in all the right ways. She teaches us to understand the simplicity life has to offer.

****

I guess what I have to say is sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day lives of complexity that we miss out on seeing God in a smile, a sunny day, or a sweet person made slightly different. 

God reveals himself in the least of us. 

It always amazes me.

 I am in awe.

Things I love thursday

Happy Thursday everyone. 

I hope everyone is having the best week!

I decided today would be my day I talk about some of my favorite things.

I currently have an awful headache which is definitly NOT one of my favorite things so maybe all of the talk about some of these amazing things will make my head feel better.

***

For the last year I have been Coconut obsessed. I started using coconut oil last year after my coworker ,turned

good friend,  told me about all the benefits.  I use it on my face, my legs, in my hair, to shave with, and also when I have a cut or injury. I even put it in my smoothies to suppress my appetite!Check it out  here!

You will never regret this $10 purchase. They sell it at Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and Mothers Market. If you live in a little city you can order it on Amazon!

****

Following my love of Coconut Oil I recently found from one of my favorite bloggers about the amazingness that is Coconut cookies! AH I can't say enough! They taste like Girl Scout Cookies but are way healthier! There is only like 100 calories in 8 cookies! So great and healthy for a quick filling snack!

They sell them at Trader Joes for $4! Best money spent.

**** 

My third and final thing I am loving this week is big necklaces. I am so happy that chunky fun jewelry is back in! Don't get me wrong I love dainty and simple long necklaces but there is just something about a black shirt and huge fun necklace. My favorite store for this is Francescas Collections.

I am so obsessed with everything at this store and can not get enough of their beautiful jewelry and their purses!

( My summer goal is to grow this collection)

****

Well I hope you guys try out the Coconut craze and also Francessca's ! You won't regret it!

Well I'm off to get my hair done. For all you blondes (fake ones) it's been 13 weeks since my last

hair appointment! Definitely time to get the blonde put back in!

Have a great day,

XoXo, 

Nichole

Wedding Wednesdays --Summer wedding trends

There is nothing I love more than summer and weddings.

Put the two together and well I'm pretty much the happiest girl in the world. 

For wedding Wednesday this week I thought I'd share some of my favorite trends and decor for 

weddings in the summer months.

There is just something about the bright colors, warm nights, and lighting that just makes summer weddings my my heart take a little leap. 

Enjoy.

XoXo

Working on my fitness..

Why is it anytime I wanna work out Fergie lyrics play in my head?

Well anyways as I blogged yesterday  one of my goals for this summer is to get fit.

Easier said then done. I am so not a lover of working out.

I like food. Good food. Foods like tacos and Chik Fil A so ya working out just isn't always easy.

Don't get me wrong I love eating healthy but when socialization happens around food and college students don't have money too much Taco Bell and crap enters your diet! 

I really dont like the way my bodies looking and as I get older I know this is the time to develop 

good eating and work out habits. Not to mention my momma has so inspired me. She went from a size 12 to a size 2 in the last couple years!

 I am so proud of how healthy she is so it's time I follow in her foot steps!

Tonight I'm thinking I will do abs ,arms,legs, and some yoga!

(me doing yoga shall be funny. Let's just say I am not coordinated at ALL)

I need a good fitness routine so if you have one please share! I really would like to workout about 6 times a week! Maybe even 7 to get in the habit!

 ****

Until workout time ( I do everything on a schedule) I shall Pinterest until I get some motivation.

Hope everyone's having a wonderful Tuesday.
Remember to check tomorrow for Wedding Wednesday. 

I'll be posting so see ya back her tomorrow .

XoXo,

Nichole

( Oh this could go on and on. Time to stop and go do Yoga.)

Oh hey remember when I used to blog...

Well get ready because I'm back!

School is FINALLY ( sense the excitement) over.

Four months of amazing summer is almost too much excitement for me to handle right now.

So I think a little break from the bloggy warrants a sweet little recap.

****

 

Where to begin.

School ended. It is such a sweet relief to know I will never take another theory or Spanish class ever again.

Oh ya and I got a B in Spanish. (how this happened I will never know.I celebrated by ripping the book up)

I literally almost cried the last day of classes.

It was a really rough semester so let's just say I am one happy girl.

Oh ya I forgot to write about this. I quit my job.

I loved my job, it was great, it was a blessing in disguise but it was definitely time to say goodbye.

There's a time for everything and this was the time to say goodbye.

It was an amazing two years full of great memories and people.

I always get nostalgic at endings...especially when you genuinly care about each person you work with...such a blessing to call them friends.

 

Oh and the reason it was time...

I decided to commute next year! No more little apartment for $600 a month

to not have a parking spot or hot water. Can you again sense the excitement. It was the smart decision to make and while it wasn't "easy" to make I am so excited to be here in this place.

So I moved again and I am so happy. I redid my room and made it so perfect and relaxing

and am so excited for this new chapter.

Heres a little sneak peak of my relaxation space.

 

Oh ya speaking of this chapter. I'm going back to my old job (hopefully) and continuing assisting

at weddings. Oh ya let's talk weddings!

We did a double wedding weekend last week and well it was crazy.

They were so different from each other but equally lovely. I still cry each time and honestly there

is just something about being in the presence of a bride. I had the privilege of getting the bride from her room to take her to walk down the aisle and well it was the most surreal amazing feeling to me. I just love the idea of a love so strong you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Such a beautiful thought. One I am waiting so patiently for. To think the man that will be the one for me is out there somewhere is so exciting.

 ( I took this to show that it isn't all glamorous)

After two weddings back to back I felt like I got ran over,

BUT

I loved it. As I was leaving on Saturday I couldn't help but question how I was so blessed to be there.

People dream of finding the thing that makes them complete... I found it and well I am so thankful.

There is nothing in the world I would rather do . What started as a simple email has began an 

amazing friendship. Oh ya the girl I work with is seriously the best . She is such a great boss but more

importantly an amazing friend and I am so thankful that I get to work for a lovely lady who is a follower

of Christ. I have so many friends that aren't and I love them but there's something about being able to share 

life with someone with similar  goals and ideals as you that just makes things easier.

So other than weddings I am just relaxing and enjoying this beautiful season that is beginning. I am absolutely a summer baby and love love love the warm weather. Bring on the heat. I am currently making a list of thing I wanna do this year. Last summer was rough and I got almost nothing accomplished so this summer I have big dreams. Multiple beach trips are in my future. 

To kick off summer my best friend from home came down and we went to a concert at the Roxy in Los Angeles. I had no idea who the bands were but it was still so much fun! After that I reconnected with an amazing friend from down here for a great Cinco de Mayo party and then hung out with my best friend and former roommate. You know you have an amazing friendship when after a year of living together you have a sleep over after only a day apart!

Oh ya and with school ending I had to say goodbye to some of my lovely friends for four months...so sad

****

 

Speaking of last summer , May is the month we found out about my grandma's brain tumor last year. May 16th to be exact. I can not even believe it has been a year. In some ways it feels like so so much longer and in others I can not believe it went so fast. Life is so short and precious. I miss her so much. More than before.

 Despite the roller coaster of emotions I am so thankful to know that she lived such an amazing life that inspires me to make her as proud as possible. I always have to remind myself that we aren't guaranteed time .

****

Oh ( if I say that one more time I may annoy myself) One of my goals for this summer is to get into shape. I have for a while been wanting to get into shape so this is the time to do it. Jillian Michaels and yoga are gonna be my new best friends. I am actually kind of excited

WELL

I think that may have been a little long. Thank you for continuing to read despite my disappearance. I am so excited to read all of your blogs again! Thank goodness for this time of relaxation. Check back soon there will be much more posts comin your way 

XOXO

Nichole